Baby Betty. Techera Family--Party of 5

Little Miss Betty arrived the 22nd of July 2020.

Not surprisingly, now that I am on child #3, it takes a bit longer to get through my 'to do' list. So here I am with a nearly 3 month old writing about my pregnancy and birth. But this is for her as much as anything, and writing down my experience later is better than never. 

We were wanting to welcome a third baby into our home earlier this summer around May or June. We would have loved to keep everything in our insurance year which is from July 1st to June 30th. But of course God would have different plans and we got pregnant with Betty with a July 20th due date. So not only did we miss the insurance year, we were also having a baby in July, when Belen and a zillion other people in my family and Ulises family also have birthdays. I guess we should just have a family reunion each July with a giant sheet cake.

The pregnancy was really quite uneventful in the beginning. No nausea or anything. We were able to share the news with Ulises family in person when we went to Spain for Christmas. Things continued smoothly when we went back to the states too. We found out early baby was a girl and we started brain storming baby names. Covid of course came and life was uprooted a bit. My work teaching a parenting class went online and then the program was discontinued for fall of 2020. Ulises and Walter also were brought home to work and study. We used the time at home for home improvements which I do not recommend doing while 7 or 8 months pregnant. We leveled soil, we brought in sod, we built a giant playground and I complained a lot.

The heat and the lack of exercise during this pregnancy probably made it harder towards the end. With my gym closing and the yard work and the homeschooling and the heat.... I started retaining a lot of water. I was incredibly swollen! I was uncomfortable and very very very big. haha. I asked my OB if she could guess how big baby was, and she said moms who have given birth before are better able to estimate the size of subsequent babies than their doctors are. To me, it felt like I had a big baby in there. 

and I did.

(This shows before and after. I gained a lot of weight during pregnancy and lost most of it within 2 weeks of giving birth. Not to say I have any type of  enviable pre-baby figure back...  far from it... but just to point out how much of that weight was super uncomfortable water retention)

For weeks I was dilated to a 4, then a 5, then to an almost 6 and I still didn't go into labor! I knew my body would eventually go, but it was annoying to be so far dilated with no big signs of labor coming. I talked with my Doctor and because I really wanted her to deliver my baby, I opted for an induction on a day she was going to be on call. We were given the opportunity on July 21st to go in on July 22nd. And that's what we did. 

 My parents and eldest sister had driven over the night before to be there for Walter and Belen. I entered the Hospital 2 days past my due date and was dilated to a 7 but still no contractions. They broke my water early in the morning but it didn't bring on any contractions.  It wasn't until 7 at night that my doc said we should try some Pitocin. I hadn't thought that was an option since I had a previous c-section, but my doctor said I was a great candidate so we did it!

The contractions started to ramp up as soon as Ulises decided it was a great time to bring in and chat with a neighbor who was a nurse working that night. Not great timing, honey!  I couldn't concentrate and I started moaning and such and we were soon left to the task at hand. 

I had opted to not have an epidural since I was so far dilated at the start of this thing. The nurses helping me labor made it possible. They also encouraged and guided Ulises so he could provide support and counter pressure and all that stuff. My nurse was amazing. Ulises also was a great support once he knew what to do ;)

The contractions were strong and quick. I used the birthing bar and was on my knees a lot. I remember yelling " I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do!" when those big contractions towards the end were happening. My nurse said " Don't worry, you're doing it!"  

Within 2 hours of starting the Pitocin it was time to push. I did that from a crouching position on the bed with my doctor ready to catch the baby. When Betty was being born she experienced some shoulder dystocia. I remember being flipped over and a nurse just started pushing on my abdomen to help get her out. Doctor B was able to get Betty out and while it was a little bit of a scary moment, Betty had no lasting effects and her mobility wasn't affected. I also had no tearing and I experienced SO MUCH RELIEF the instant she was born. It was amazing the difference actually. 

The cord was a bit short so they couldn't put the baby in my arms until they delivered the afterbirth. So I held Betty by my hip and just stroked her chubby little face and enjoyed looking at her thick head of hair. Dr B had told me earlier that morning during an exam that she could see baby and knew baby would come with lots of hair, and boy was she right! 

Once Betty was weighed and measured I was vindicated to see she was 9 lbs 6 ounces. She looked so chubby and healthy and cherubesque! No wonder I felt so big towards the end of pregnancy, and no wonder I felt immediate relief!



The next moments were joyful with Ulises taking a turn to hold Betty and me, in a rather incoherent way, apologizing to the nurses for my whining and wailing, and thanking them for delivering my baby safely. It was so wonderful to be surrounded by strong knowledgeable women when Betty was born. I really am glad I decided to be induced so the Doctor I saw for each of my prenatal visits was the one that delivered me.

I've had three children now with different methods of birthing. Walter was a c-section, Belen was a vaginal delivery with Epidural, and Betty was without an Epidural. All were different and beautiful in their own way. If I get pregnant again I don't now what I would choose to do. I know some people say birthing without an epidural is best, But I think I was only able to pull that off because I already came in at 6 cm! It was by far my fastest healing time however. So I guess I don't know how I would do it again....

Since being home Betty has been such a delight. She is 100% formula fed and boy does it feel great to have found what works for us and to go forward with no doubts and just spend time enjoying my baby instead of worrying about the mechanics of my imperfect body and lactation ( You can read Belen's and Walters birth stories here  and here for more context)

She eats well, sleeps well and is the most chill baby! I wouldn't say that Walter or Belen were very difficult children, but sometimes we will put Betty down on a play mat and I will go fuss over the other children and when I return to Betty she will be sound asleep just laying there under her dangling baby toys. 

Initially she slept 3-4 hour stretches, but she is less than 3 months old and we have had several nights of 8,9 and even 10 hour stretches of sleep. She is the perfect 3rd child for this crazy household.

Both Belen and Walter love her. Belen sings to her and calls her pretty. Walter will talk to her. "Betty, do you know you are on earth now?! Well, you are!" He loves to give her a kiss before he runs off to school.

We named her Bethany May. We chose Bethany because it is a Biblical City and it matches her sister's name--Belen! ( which means Bethlehem in Spanish). Bethany in Spanish would be Bettania, but Ulises preferred the English version. And then I just call her Betty for short.

We used the name May because I wanted to name the baby after my eldest sister Rachel who has been not just a sister, but has cared for me with love and friendship for my entire life. She is an exceptional Aunt to my other children and I thought it fitting that one of them share a name with her.

Betty May is the perfect addition to our family and I feel so grateful that I get to be her mother...

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 And here are some cookies I made for my OB cause I am a nerd.

Bienvenida Belén!

The birth of our baby girl is a good reason to come back to the blog. I am not a gifted writer, but sharing her/our story is important for her history, and may very well be interesting for you.  Sharing her/our story is healing for me too.

This pregnancy was pretty similar to when I was pregnant with Walter--easy. Just a little more morning sickness.We found out we were having a baby girl early on and we were all really excited. The pregnancy progressed really well. I worked throughout my pregnancy and exercised too. I felt good and lasted all the way past 35 weeks. I mention that because Walter was breech the entire pregnancy and I had an unplanned c-section with him at 35 weeks because of his position and low fluid. 

Initially I had approached Walter's birth from a natural perspective-- practicing hypnobirthing and reserving the birthing tub in the hospital so I could have a water birth. That obviously didn't work out. I admit that at the time I was disappointed in that lost birthing experience, but I was more excited to meet my boy than to really object. Time and a new perspective has  also "healed" me. The c-section wasn't that bad and like some other women, ( you know the type, you read their blogs) I am not traumatized at my medical birth nor do I believe I am less of a woman for it.  I do not need to suffer to feel empowered by my birth

But I actually did plan for a natural VBAC with this pregnancy (VBAC= Vaginal Birth After Cesarian) It wasn't because I hated my c-section, but rather because breastfeeding didn't work out for me after Walter, and the c section and some of the other things which occurred with Walter's birth are associated with lactation failure. The hardest part of welcoming Walter was my inability to breastfeed.

With baby girl we went to 40 weeks 2 days and I went into labor without induction. I labored at home Friday night July 14th and checked into the hospital about 4 AM July 15th. Ulises wasn't much of a birthing coach while at home and was rather grossed out that my labor brought on nausea. He didn't do well with the barfing. Although he went to birthing classes with me, he really was at a loss of what to do when it came to coaching me through contractions. He was taking a shower or cleaning his night stand while I was laboring. I would call him over when a contraction came and he would hold my hand. But as soon as the surge passed he continued puttering around. I told him next time we gotta work on that.

When we got to the hospital I was 7 cm and they took me upstairs. I was offered an epidural and I accepted. While initially I had wanted to go without pain medication, I had been reading some really interesting stuff a few days before I delivered that really challenged my ideas. First, realizing that having the epidural wouldn't affect the onset of lactation itself was comforting. And realizing that other peoples ideas of what birth should be had made an impact on me, was also important.  I learned to let go of other peoples ideals and ask myself why I wanted what I wanted. 

This is what made a huge difference in how approached this experience.
  click here: "giving birth in yoga land"

Its a must read.

Once I got the epidural I was shocked how effective it was. Maybe next time I will do a walking epidural or try and go un-medicated (or I might not. There is no right way to birth) I was able to rest but not really sleep. By the time 1PM rolled around I was ready to deliver the baby. Ulises was a great coach when it came to actually delivering the baby. Maybe it was because he could feed off the nurses who were also great coaches. The nurse assigned to me was awesome. I'm kicking myself for not remembering her name. She was older and reminded me of my own mother who was a labor and delivery nurse for 30 years. I felt like I had someone with some wisdom taking care of me.

Within 45 minutes of pushing, Belén was born. July 15th 1:46 PM  to be exact. It was amazing to watch and it was really rewarding to have so many people urging me on, encouraging me to birth this little girl. It was such a surprise when they pulled her from me and put her on top of me. A little overwhelming and wonderful! It seemed too quick! I held that baby and told her how much I loved her. It was so nice to deliver there at Avista hospital with the lights pouring in the windows, my husband at my side, and such a great group of women urging me to get this little girl into the world. 

The next few hours were great. Snuggling your baby after giving birth sure beats having the babe whisked away to the NICU as Walter was. And recovery after a regular delivery really is better than a c-section. hmp! I was up and walking within hours!

Walter came that night to meet his sister. He was too shy to hold her, but was excited about her. It took him a while, but  now he gives her kisses and today he told me he loved her--all unprompted.

Walter more interested in his truck than his sister

We convinced Walter to pose

After a successful VBAC I was ready to 'try' breastfeeding again. This time I approached breastfeeding with a new perspective because I had more information. My failed lactation with Walter, as it turned out, wasn't because of the c-section or anything. It was because I have Insufficient Glandular Tissue. No amount of fenugreek or brewers yeast or power pumping was ever going to bring my supply up to sufficient levels. I was diagnosed with IGT the year before falling pregnant with Belen. My hopes this time around were to be able to produce enough to at least offer something--to have her comfort nurse at least. I had no illusion that I could provide for her caloric needs. But I did want to try some form of feeding at the breast.

Even after being prepared mentally, and knowing that I had a legitimate reason for failed lactation ( we will talk about that word "failed" later....) this was the part of the journey that hurt the most. I imagine it will always hurt no matter how many babes I have the honor of mothering. Much of it is mourning the 'failure' of your body to perform a function that is so closely associated with good mothering. And it's okay to mourn unmet expectations and disappointments But a lot of it also comes from society's expectations and a lot of misinformation about lactation.

How is it that we accept the fact that people need braces for crooked teeth and glasses for blurry vision and that other parts of our body are allowed to fail to perform perfectly, but  must accept that breasts are always capable of feeding our babies? Would we tell someone with deafness or blindness that they are lazy or aren't trying hard enough? People need to know that insufficient supply is normal and that breast can be best... but only when breasts work--and a lot of times they don't! And that's ok. Humans have evolved  and thrive because we were smart enough to use wet nurses, create formula and use it, and work around mortality's challenges. 

It was hard to have so many different nurses and lactation consultants come in and assume I was able to breastfeed. Telling each new person my story made it harder. Here I was sitting in the hospital bed and  I was told that breastfeeding will make all my extra baby weight melt off...  or they would talk about how "when your milk comes in....." but  for me it wouldn't.  I even had a nurse come help Belen bottle feed  who said " This stuff is yucky, the good stuff comes from mommy."  And the nurse was feeding her donor breast milk! So it was still breast milk. But it wasn't mine.... So apparently everything other than my breast milk (which, by the way, doesn't exist) is yucky to my daughter.What a happy thought. 

I did have a couple of down to earth lactation consultants who understood and believed my low supply ( I have read horror stories about some lactation consultants who insist insufficient supply is not real) and were supportive.They won't ever know how validating their words were to me.

3.5 weeks into it I could pump 2ml a day. Yes, you read that right...

 I don't know if I will continue pumping much longer or using SNS with Belen. But when I do stop, it will still be something I will have to work out emotionally. It's a loss all the same.

This is from both sides, 10 minutes each side.

a few days worth

When you meet a new mom, yes, ask her how baby is doing, but instead of following up with the question of breastfeeding, how about you ask her how she is doing.  a simple "How you doing, mom?"  will do wonders for the baby blues.

New mom again

We mothers are so much more than our  reproductive organs and breasts. If you see someone bottle feeding, don't feel sorry for her either. Always support a mom who is feeding and nourishing their child. You never know what factors ( and they don't really matter either) brought her to bottle feed.

I've shared my diagnosis of IGT knowing that there are so many other women and friends of mine who, for whatever reasons, also need to (or choose) to bottle feed.  You are not alone. 

And the one thing you should walk away with after reading this post is that no woman ever needs to defend her method of feeding her baby. to anyone. ever. Fed is best. Full stop.

want to know more about insufficient glandular tissue? 

click here

Want to know something else ironic? Even had I produced enough milk to breastfeed my baby, she still would be bottle fed. Belen has Laryngomalacia and while some kids with the condition can breastfeed, Belen's  pediatrician has had to give us an RX for fortifying her feedings and increasing her caloric intake. She currently takes donor milk fortified with formula and thickened to prevent reflux,

Belen's Laryngomalacia is not life threatening. She did go to the NICU at 10 days old when she was breathing heavily and we didn't know why. There they diagnosed her with the condition after the pediatric ENT performed a scope. She has a moderate case and had surgery on August 14th. The surgeon was clear, it's not a solution or a fix, but it will help. Hopefully she will avoid the path it usually takes--getting worse at 4-6 months.  As of right now she is recovering well, has fewer squeaks and wheezing, and we are working on chubbing her up. Check out the non profit that has taken care of us. Learn more about laryngomalacia. They're great! 
http://www.copingwithlm.org/

Having a baby, even baby #2, is full of surprises and is an emotional rollercoaster. I'm so grateful for Ulises who has been supportive this entire time. He is such a good man, husband and father.

And Walter, he's doing great with this new role as Big Brother as well.

Shy at first

We love little Belen. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to be a mother. We aren't worthy of the blessing, but are so grateful it has come. We thank God daily for these gifts, these children.

We feel so blessed to also have her first few hours documented by a friend of mine, Jenna Dallaire. Check out her website here jennadallairephotography

Later we gota few newborn shots with her to match ones that Walter had done. I plan on submitting these to their year books someday hehe.  Check out Diana Cordova Photography here

Home alone

So Walter and Ulises went to Spain for spring break! Hooray! I stayed here, at work... Boooo!

In just two days I get to go pick them up from the airport! To say I've missed them would be an understatement. I feel it in my bones. An emptiness. Kind of like I've lost a bit of my identity. I've not been in a position like this in years. No diapers to change, family dinner to cook, no one else to prepare or do stuff for. I've tried to make the best of it but I can't celebrate my "freedom" too much when I still have to go to work and my budget hasn't exactly increased to the extent my free time has.

I've gone to the gym classes I don't usually have the ability to attend and I've gone out with some friends ( thank you!!) and done some shopping, but that's not a fair exchange for the giggles and kisses Walter and Ulises bring.

I had to stay to work. I work to maintain health insurance and the company I work for would have cut off my benefits if I went under my designated amount of hours. So I stayed. I was a big girl and decided to remain employed and insured instead of partying in Spain.

I'm looking for a different solution for our family right now. I could go work for another company and get better benefits and a higher salary, but the joy that I get being so close to Walter and spending my day next to him while I work is invaluable. So I'm looking at work from home options or something. I'm trying to stay positive and look at this in perspective. Ulises will finish his PhD in just 2 years and will likely be employed somewhere where he can insure the rest of his family members for a reasonable rate. And then I would have the option to work for pleasure or stay at home or a combination of both.

Good news is that Ulises will get his student visa status adjusted to permanent resident soon and his restrictions on work will be lifted. And that will happen this year, not in two years!

So I'm trying to be patient. I do lement that I missed Ulises sister's wedding-- what looked like a simply  beautiful event-- in Spain. I also missed the time I could have spent there with Ulises family and our friends. It was really hard feeling so left out. While they celebrated, I helped toddlers glue cotton balls on construction paper. Ah the glamour of working daycare!

Sometimes it's hard being an adult.

But really, I'm glad they went. I've cried everyday since they've been gone, but Walter is being loved by all his aunts uncles and grandparents there. It's the best gift I can give them. I hope they see how hard this was for me and give him so much more love because of it!

So here is hoping we can go to Spain at Christmas. And here is hoping work requirements won't derail that dream.

And now, for some pictures! This is what I have been living off of while they have been away!